Tuesday, July 19, 2011

What do you think of my prologue?

I like your premise, I think it has immense promise, but I wonder if -- well, let me put it this way: readers identify with a voice. As they read, you want to make them forget they're reading, and the best way to do that is to find a way to express these ideas through narrative of the actions of characters. What I read here is a big, booming, disembodied voice, but I think you want to establish a little more rapport with the audience. The wonderful challenge for you, as the writer, is to ask yourself, "How can I make all these things in this new society seem commonplace for my characters, but express them to my readers?" This passage relays a lot of facts of your story, and does so in a coherent, well-expressed style, but I would honestly go for the narrative approach where all the characters do your work for you. Just my opinion.

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